“Who are you ?”, You ask me.
Not used to answering such blunt questions which probe the reason for my very existence, I try to pretend that I never heard that question. In an attempt to divert your attention, I point to the poster of the upcoming Rajni movie,Baba and start off on what was supposed to be a long monologue on the star and how he might represent a new hope for a state tortured, indeed mutilated, by politicians taking advantage of the gullibe, simple and loving folk. Something in my actions, ( the fear of the question or the ignorance of the answer showing itself ? ) makes you repeat the question.
I realise with a sinking feeling that today, I will not get away unless I answer that question. I ponder the various approaches to take. Should i do a straightforward name address occupation recital ? Something in your manner shows me that you are not interested in such a superficial understanding of who i am. You show with your questioning glance that today what you are interested in is knowing who i really am.
I turn away lest my face betrays my true emotions. I lock my eyes on the horizon which inevitably leads to looking inside.
“Who i really am ?”. Now that is a question which has teased me all my life. Every now and then, I get glimpses of the answer. But then Time has always stepped in to prove that what i thought was an answer, was an illusion. Illusions that my mind makes up in attempt to pacify my heart. Deception of the heart by the mind to justify a mundane existence in a mediocre world which has seen only a few flashes of brilliance. I check myself before i go into a loop. I inadverdently go into an infinite loop of self loathing when that question comes up. My mind not able to control itself goes off on a tangent.
There are dreams waiting inside my mind. They have only seen the dark of the night when i let them loose inside in my mind. They complain of being afraid of the dark and want to come out with me in the day to see the world they have heard so much about. I lock them behind doors lest the world sees and laughs at them. I carry on with my ordinary life doing not what i want to do but doing what the world asks me to do. Doing not what gives me hapiness but doing what gives me money.
Money steals away from you what you could have been and in return decides who you are and what you would become. The purpose, the motive of life has become to earn money and more money. Money is happy only when it sees more and more of itself and in turn makes its owner feel the same.
When a few sheets of paper decide who you are, that is when you want to run away from life.
All these thoughts flash past my mind as i struggle for my answer. In a sudden moment of inspiration, i hit upon a way to answer your question. I take out a few scenes of your life and scratch away the superficial motives with which your mind was deceiving you.I show them to you and return the question, “Maybe, you could tell me who you really are ?”.
You realise that some questions do not have answers. Maybe, The answer to this one will be a consolation prize God gives you when you die. Or maybe, He himself is searching for a reason for his existence beyond that of a support system for a man too weak to live life on his own.
Who am i ?
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HitendraSingh Rathore wrote:
Existence of existence is to ask what is the existence of all about, then wondering what if there is no existence at all. Or, if there is nothing.
But, there is something, which may come back again...and again to repeat the above question.
That something is something which is nothing at START and everything at the moment before END.
In our vedantic scriptures, all that exist are VYAKTA out of WHAT was AVYAKTA, so there will be time when each and every VYAKTA will be again AVYAKTA to be VYAKTA when the time comes.
WHAT make this to be it is so. THAT is UNIVERSAL INTELLIGENCE which is formless, time less, and indifferent to any interpretition, including this one. All analysis is incomplete, the CREATOR has not CREATED so that TIME is nothing for it. Only CREATION of all. We may call our existence as LIFE but for the thing which is CREATOR or INTELLIGENCE may not regard as significant as the very building blocks which pervade LIVING. If there is LIFE then it is first in the matter which we do not regard as alive as we know. So, everything that is VYAKTA is alive in the manner it is, regardless some hyperactive life form may term them as lifeless, but they are on the contrary alive with their each and every atom and Quarks or Super Strings dancing inside.
As KRISHNA says in GEETA, there was never a time when we were not and there will not be a time when we all will not be. So TIME is just a CHANGE we see in the pattern of the COSMIC DANCE of WHAT runs the SHOW.
Everything is changing, dead or alive, and the problem with us is that we want to HOLD everything we see for our PERMANENCY, which is the ILLUSION, we know as MAYA.
E.g. MALE AND FEMALE are one as both beings are facing each other as individually they face a MIRROR. The MIRROR of LIFE reflects one as RECIPROCAL of the OTHER. Their exterior organs are reciprocals of each other's to let them unite and reproduce a next version of their SPECIE, albeit different version from the LAST.
We are a FIGMENT of a short dream of WHAT that is TRUTH.
And TRUTH is that we are not existing, it is THAT which is WHAT is existing through us.
WHAT is what we SEEK. And THAT is what is TRUTH.
TRUTH is the ONE we STRIVE and in the BARGAINING we NEGOTIATE WORLD mired in MAYA, the illusion.
This ANALYSIS may not be so long.
And this time we are in is the intermittant existence of ONE, between AVYAKTA and VYAKTA and AVYAKTA and VYAKTA...